Waiting and more waiting...

   So we still haven't received our official on paper approval which we will need to notarize, apostille and then send over to Eastern Europe. I called and spoke with our officer this morning and she said that her supervisor needs to okay the approval first. Ugg more waiting. I was so hoping to get it out with a group of families leaving Saturaday for EE. So excited for them! We are stuck in a waiting pattern with so many things in our life right now that sometimes I could just scream. Oh well while I wait I will paint:) two new little cribs that Lord willing will soon have little boys to sleep in them!

Amazon link

   Devoted followers:) I have uploaded an Amazon link to the side of my blog. If you should need to shop please use the little linky and we will earn a percentage toward our adoption:) It's the little things!

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE USCIS APPROVAL!!!! MOMMY AND DADDY ARE COMING BOYS!!!:)

When will I learn?

   Last week we left Tuesday morning to attempt to have our fingerprints taken. Our whole family had prayed and prayed about this situation (and many of you sent sweet comments that you were praying as well) As you know we were able to get our fingerprints with no problem. God answered our prayers with a yes. You would think that I would take that experience and go forward with faith that there is awesome power in prayer. Sadly no, I jump right back into trying to "do" God's work myself. I have been calling USCIS daily (sometimes more then once a day) to check with our officer on the status of our application. We were told by our agency to "grease the wheels." Well all the phone calls have gone right to voice mail, not once have we been able to reach our officer. We tried at different times in the day. Over the weekend we thought maybe she was on vacation so we would reach her Monday. Nope:( right to voice mail this morning. I know this sounds like such a little thing but at the end of this adoption paper chaos being this close to being done makes us crazy people. I was so discouraged and thinking about how I could get in touch with this person all week. It finally hit me that I had not prayed about it! I was working so hard on my own strength to get this done that I forgot about my super power:) I could call all I wanted for the next three years but unless God wants us approved nothing is going to happen. SO.....would you please join us in praying for our USCIS officer to process our file and approve us to bring two sweet blessings into the US. As hard as it is, it is so exciting to be in positions where the only way things are going to work out are if God works miracles! We are in so many situations right now that the world would look at us and say give up, stop trying. But we know we serve a living God. We are honored to be able to give God all the glory for carrying us through and pray we learn the lessons He is trying to teach us (the first time:).

Beauty from Ashes

  It has been 5ish months since we began our adoption journey. I feel like our lives have been turned upside down, but in a good way:) Before we began this journey I knew very little about international orphans and the conditions they live in. I knew next to nothing about down syndrome, and I took so much in my life for granted. God has been slowing taking away all our hindrances to faith, our health insurance, his job (financial security) our control over the timing of our adoption. But I can honestly say I have never been more happy and full of joy then I have been in the last few weeks. My marriage is stronger and Joey and I are truly loving spending so much time together. In a weird way it is a dream come true. Who wouldn't want to not work and have 24/7 family time? We have hit obstacles with the adoption that make the little things we accomplish all the more sweet. We cannot scrimp and save for the adoption and try to pay for it ourselves, so we have to trust that God will provide the money. We were so blessed to be able to walk in and have our fingerprints done yesterday at USCIS department. I called yesterday to update our status with their office and we were told we have an officer assigned to our case. That is a great sign!! We could possibly be looking at approval soon, that means we could be submitted in the next few weeks. The timeline is getting shorter and shorter but our funds have not moved above the $1,700 range. My Bible reading this morning was from Luke 5. Jesus was calling his disciples and he told Simon to let down his nets to catch some fish. Simon told Jesus that they had been fishing all night long and hadn't caught ANYTHING. That is how we feel right now.  BUT...Simon said in vs 5 "because you say so, I will let down the nets." If you don't know the story Simon's crew caught such a large amount of fish they had to call another boat over to help them and even still both boats were so full they began to sink. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has called us to this adoption, and we are trusting that in His timing our nets will overflow with all we need to accomplish what He has called us to do.
PS. Please don't think we are just sitting around waiting for donations for our adoption either:) We have applied for grants as soon as our homestudy was finished however most grants take months to be approved. We could easily be done with our adoption before we hear if we were approved. We have also done two yard sales, I have been selling Mary Kay and a few other home sales friends have donated their commission to our adoption.

Calling all Prayer Warriors!:)

   Well tomorrow we try again! We will be headed up to Alexandria to try to have our fingerprints taken for immigration. Being turned away last time was a very emotional experience and I probably won't sleep tonight but we would love for you to join us in praying for this situation. After we are printed we can pray for a speedy approval!:)
   Joey has been working hard on his resume and small projects around the house. I told him this afternoon that he needs to find a work-from-home job because we are going to miss having him around. It has been about two weeks since we sent out our support letter. If you received one please prayerfully consider how you could join us in our crusade to ransom two precious little boys! If you didn't receive one just click on the link to the right with cutie Nehemiah's face:)

Where do you turn when life is impossible?

   I am happy to announce I am out of my funk and ready to fight again! Unfortunately Joey is really feeling the weight of our situation today. He is looking into the impossible place we find ourselves and it is overwhelming. How do you interview for a job knowing you need off for a 3-4 week trip to Eastern Europe and you still don't even know when that trip will be? How do you apply for benefits when you are bringing in two special needs children? How do you not become consumed with anger at the people/company that picked this exact time to lay you off? I know the answer but it is so much easier to type then live. GOD is the answer. He is the God of the impossible. Only God will get us through this situation and I want everyone reading this blog to have front row seats. We may cry and whine through this process but I want you to watch God work miracles in our lives and the lives of these children. We have no idea how this can possibly work out and we need your prayers. Joey especially today and tonight as I head off to work and leave him alone with the children. Please lift him up, he is such a selfless, sacrificial husband, father, and friend. I hate seeing him hurting, but I also can't wait to see what God is going to do! If you are reading this and are in an impossible situation and you don't have the hope that I talked about. We would love to talk with you about how we are able to have hope and joy in our lives no matter the circumstances! Message me!:)

Surrounded by rejection

   We drove up 2 hours to my parents house last night to be closer to the Alexandria office for federal fingerprinting last night. After putting the kids to bed we drove to my brother's apartment and slept on the smallest hardest futon I have ever seen (thanks Zach:) so we could be up at 6 to be first in line to have our fingerprints taken this morning. We after all of that, they rejected us. Even though we were told by numerous family that have gone before us to this specific office that you can go early they said no and to come back on our appointment date which is August 6th. This is the straw that broke the camels back. I feel so done, I have no fight left in me. Joey is remaining positive and maybe tomorrow I will be able to too. I don't really know what else to say, so I will let Matthew West say how I feel.
You mustYou must think I'm strongTo give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive meForgive me if I'm wrongBut this looks like more than I can doOn my own
I know I'm not strong enough to beeverything that I'm supposed to beI give upI'm not strong enoughHands of mercy won't you cover meLord right now I'm asking you to beStrong enoughStrong enoughFor the both of us
Well, maybeMaybe that's the pointTo reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finallyFinally at rock bottomWell, that's when I start looking upAnd reaching out
I know I'm not strong enough to beEverything that I'm supposed to beI give upI'm not stong enoughHands of mercy won't you cover me[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/strong-enough-lyrics-matthew-west.html ]Lord right now I'm asking you to beStrong enoughStrong enough
Cause I'm brokenDown to nothingBut I'm still holding on to the one thingYou are Godand you are strongWhen I am weak
I can do all thingsThrough Christ who gives me strengthAnd I don't have to beStrong enoughStrong enough
I can do all thingsThrough Christ who gives me strengthAnd I don't have to beStrong enoughStrong enough
Oh, yeah
I know I'm not strong enough to beEverything that I'm supposed to beI give upI'm not stong enoughHands of mercy won't you cover meLord right now I'm asking you to beStrong enoughStrong enoughStrong enough

Read more: MATTHEW WEST - STRONG ENOUGH LYRICS 

We are pressing on!

   Thank you for all your kind words of encouragement and prayers, we are so blessed to have such supportive family and friends. I can't really speak about how we feel and are doing it is all still so new and raw but I do know God called us to adopt. This surprise does not change that at all. We will be moving forward in the adoption process and giving everything we have to bring those boys home. I will not let Satan win this fight. We had been putting aside money for the past few months for the adoption and had planned on continuing that tread until we travels to pay for as much of the cost as we could. God is just letting us know that He will provide everything for the adoption from this point forward. We have to totally trust Him to provide. Our mini safety net we had set up was taken away but that is okay we are trusting and growing our faith. We were so encouraged to receive our federal fingerprint appointment from US immigration yesterday in the mail. We will be traveling to Alexandria in the morning to try and have our fingerprints done early to speed up the process. This is the final step on our part for the adoption. I can't believe we have made it this far!! It is so surreal. Please pray that we are allowed to do this tomorrow and that approval is given quickly after our prints are done. Also please pray for me as I start working more hours at the hospital to cover our bills and Joey stays at home. I have to give up control of my "job" at home and I am not liking it:) Joey has been gracious and is willing to have me explain how I like to have things done but it will be a huge adjustment for our family. We are so very blessed and have so much to be thankful for, we are looking forward to spending more time with Joey/daddy. We plan to be very intentional with our extra time and make memories.
I will leave you with the lyrics to one of the songs we sang at church this morning. It touched my heart, God is so good!
                                                                      "Always"

My foes are many, they rise against me
But I will hold my ground
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Troubles surround me, chaos abounding
My soul will rest in You
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm
My help is on the way, my help is on the way

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
I lift my eyes up, my help comes from the Lord
From You Lord, from You Lord

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always, always

Doors slamming shut, God open a window!

  We were blindsided this morning. Joey was let go from his job of 11 years. Nothing negative was said about him or his job performance just cut backs were made and he was part of it. With only a month severance pay we are scrambling to figure out health insurance and how this affects the adoption. We know that God is in control and this does not surprise Him. Please pray for peace and for God to show us the next step. We feel very lost and numb at this point.

Sweet friends lift your spirits!

   What a week, after being sick this past week I was looking forward to a holiday weekend to relax and enjoy my family. WRONG! as I prepared for work on Thursday evening of the 4th I started sweating. I remember thinking why am I so hot?! but I had had chills and fever off and on this week after being sick so I shrugged it off and went to work. My hubby texts me an hour or so later and tells me the AC is broken. The outside coil was frozen solid and it was 85 in the house. Poo, a little guilty I was at work all night in the freezing hospital while my family was cooking in our home. Well the service company said it was a holiday weekend and would be out on Monday. Okay three days to kill, we can do this! Friday I got off work around 8 am and when I got home we headed right out to Richmond to apostille the last big chunk of our paperwork. I fell asleep for what felt like 1 second on the way there:) Apostilles took about 2 hours and we headed back home. At home around 1pm I went to lay down I didn't care how hot it was I was tired! Joey woke me up at 3:30 because he was leaving for a Nationals Game. So cranky mommy got up. It was hot and the kids were crazy so I said lets go to the pool. I thought I would let them cool off and get nice and tired and then we could go to bed early:) If you have 4 kids or more you know prepping for the pool is no small task so after that hurdle was crossed off we went. As I pull into the pool I notice lots of people leaving and I get a sinking feeling. I pull up to one and ask what happened. A child peed in the pool and it is closed for the rest of the day. Now I am already frazzled, tired and grumpy. I have lubed up 4 kids and wrestled them into their swimsuits and packed a dinner and pool bag. I started crying and drove away. The kids all asking a million questions at once "why aren't we at the pool, why are you crying, where are we going, what is for dinner, can we have gum, can we go to chuckecheese?" I kid you not those were the questions!:) I didn't know where I was going but I wasn't going home. Joey called to "check in" and at that moment I hated him! It wasn't his fault but I was tired and he was off having a good ole time while I was stuck in this mess. I ended up driving to a park that has a small creek and the kids and I had a great time throwing rocks and splashing away. We ate the meal I packed and I treated them to slushies on the way home. I think God was showing me the even when things don't go as planned they can still be amazing and wonderful. I really did have a great time with the kids at the park. After we got home and everyone was in bed I tried to relax and fall asleep. If you have never worked night shift you wouldn't understand that even though you are so tired you want to sleep, your body won't let you. I was also getting hotter and hotter I check the thermostat and noticed it was 89 downstairs. It was 11 and I thought I should check on the kids. Poor Meah had a ring of sweat around her in the bed and Hannah was thrashing like she was having the worst dream of her life. Jedidiah was awake staring at me as if to question "why?" I decided to get them all up and take them to my inlaws house (just a few blocks away) to sleep there. They were out of town and I knew the kids and I would rest better there. So by midnight I had the kids set up and settling down, I text Joey to let him know I was not at home and tried to fall asleep. Just as I was dosing off Joey walks in:) We were finally asleep after 1am (Ironically Joey's moms alarm woke us up at 4:20 that morning)
   So we got up the next morning ready to go to my parents house. We had planned on spending Saturday with them for our 4th of July plans. We rounded up the kids trying to minimize the disaster made on the house and headed to the van. I was so looking forward to spending the day at my parents house. Just relaxing I was still tired and we were trying to to think about how we were going to pay for the AC repair on top of the adoption. After all the kids were in the van we tried to leave, but the van wouldn't start. I was in shock, this was not happening. I was so thankful Joey was there so he could keep me from throwing an adult temper tantrum in front of the kids. We unpacked the kids and went back into my inlaws house. I believe with all my heart that there was a problem with our van that did not involve the battery. We prayed together as a family and I put on FB what was happening. I received immediate responses from friends saying they were praying. I also got text with offers of vehicles, homes and car repair. We are so blessed with our support system! After about 1/2 and hour Joey decided to try and jump the van with his truck, why not it couldn't hurt. It worked! We decided to go up to my parents, praying the van would make it.
   Today is now Monday at 3pm, we bought a new car battery for $100 and I just put $600 on my credit card for the AC fan motor to be replaced. But, we have a running van and a house that is on its way to being cool. We got to spend the weekend with my family and we have so many other blessings. We were also able to overnight the paperwork we got apostilled on Friday and it is now in Eastern Europe already being translated! (we sent it with another family going to get their little one so it was hand delivered yesterday) We now only have one more piece of paper to receive and we are done!!! It is the approval from US immigration. Please join with us in praying that this approval arrives quickly. The wait could be 75+ days! We constantly remind ourselves that this is in God's hands and in His perfect timing!

WARNING! this post contains talk about breastfeeding!!!

  I LOVE breastfeeding!:) I have enjoyed being able to provide for my children in that way so very much. There are very few things sweeter then snuggling with your little one and having that intimate moment just the two of you in the middle of the night. God made such a perfect way for mommies to bond with their babies and provide them with easily digestible nutrition and antibodies to fight infection. All around it is a great experience. After giving birth with my last baby we decided not to have anymore children. Joey really felt God saying that our family was complete and had a vasectomy. I was so very sad and cried a lot that month.  The next few months my husband would wake up to me sobbing (and I mean pillow soaked, sobbing) about not ever breastfeeding again. I know it sounds crazy but God had given me such a strong desire for more children and of all things to breastfeed again. I cried and asked Him why did I have this desire when I knew we would not have more children? (Joey doesn't know but I also prayed that we would miraculously get pregnant) Well as always God does have a plan and He knows best. A few months after my last sobbing fit, He called us to adopt. We now know that He has two little ones we hope to bring home soon. I also learned an amazing thing while in our adoption group FB page. You can induce lactation!!! What?! How amazing is that. I won't go into the details of how exactly you do this but it is possible, and I am going to try my hardest to do it! I would love your prayers as I start the process soon, as it takes a few months as it would if you were pregnant and preparing for a baby. It is quite a commitment in the preparing months and there is no guarantee that I will be able to produce milk, but I would love to be able to provide this for our boys. It would be awesome for them in terms of bonding, nutrition, and immunity. I am not going to lie, 50% of my  desire to do this is for myself:) I really do love breastfeeding my children and I so look forward to having that time again. The "fair" side of my mommy brain says that I nursed the others I should nurse these too. If you would like to support us in this, thank you! I have no time to hear about how this won't work and isn't possible I am just too busy!:) Found these on clearance yesterday, I am ready to go!!

The stress is killing me!

  I have worked in the healthcare field for over 12 years, I have a great immune system unless I get stressed. I have been sick more times in the last 6 months then I have been in the last 6 years. When we started this adoption journey I read so many blogs about other families that had adopted or were in the process. I read about how these families felt "attacked" by the devil. He hates adoption it is too perfect a picture of the redemption that we have in Christ. It is what God has called our family to do and the devil wants to stop us. I can not explain how "attacked" I have felt since we started this process. From job stresses for both Joey and I, to financial strain and even just plan physically we have been sick so much. Joey and I both have gotten the same GI bug three times in the last few months (and I do clean my home!) This past Friday we got some more discouraging news that just about broke me. I then managed to get a sore throat/head cold, worked my shift Saturday night in the ICU and then woke up Monday morning throwing up. I felt like Anne from Green Gables," in the depths of dispair!" I keep telling myself that in 6 months all this will be funny, this too shall pass but it is still hard to be in it right now.  I am so blessed and have so much to be thankful for. I will not let the devil win in this battle. When I look at the big picture and gain some perspective my life is so easy and I have more then I could ever need. I have awesome friends and family that lift me up in prayer (and I do feel your prayers) Not to mention my wonderful husband who has been such a support during this process. Yesterday as he was caring for the 4 kids and checking on me, he was putting together our package for USCIS and mailing it off, prepping for two different grant applications we are applying for and finalizing our checklist to finish the paperwork for Eastern Europe. So today I am choosing to rejoice, His mercies are new every morning!